You’re most likely in the early planning stages of your wedding, but you’ve probably heard before that it’s not the wedding day that counts, but what comes after the wedding.
You may also be getting a lot of unsolicited advice on marriage and weddings as well, some of it from those who mean well, but also some from people who have no business giving you marriage and wedding advice.
But good advice on marriage and being with your spouse should not be turned away, and in an age when it seems so easy to get divorced, you should give your marriage the best chance of lasting till death do you part, and to make it a great one!
What we have here is unbiased advice based on pure numbers. These are five best-selling books on marriage you should definitely try to read before you get married. You can choose to read them with your intended spouse together, or purchase a copy for each of you.
1. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
With over 11 million copies sold, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman has been a #1 New York Times Bestseller for eight years running. It has 4.8 / 5 stars from over 12,000 reviews on Amazon!
Here’s what one reviewer who admitted he read it too late had to say about it:
Being close minded that day costed me so much regret and misery…I used to wake up to the most beautiful smile in the world and now I don’t…I recently ended up reading this book and I couldn’t put it down….sounds crazy but it’s true. Instead of being some guys opinions or…typical shrink talk that in no way could apply to each specific relationship…I found it to be a book that opens up the mind to the understanding of love…
Get copies for you and your intended spouse. View it on Amazon.
2. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
This revised and updated edition is based on scientific research conducted by the Gottman Institute in an unprecedented study of couples over a number of years, allowing the author to observe the habits that can make, and break, a marriage.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work has sold over a million copies worldwide, and has 4.7 / 5 stars from over 1,600 ratings on Amazon.
Here’s what one reviewer on Amazon had to say about it:
The beauty of the book is that it provides excellent analysis and descriptions of both success and failure in marriage: literally, the author and all professionals who apply these principles can predict whether or not a couple will be able to resolve their conflicts successfully or not within a very short period of time based on how they treat each other. Certainly, the marriages that can seem destined to failed can be turned around if both spouses embrace the process and are willing to work on THEMSELVES and not so much try to “fix” their spouses.
Get copies for you and your intended spouse. View it on Amazon.
3. Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs
In terms of numbers, this book has a 4.6 / 5 star rating from more than 2,700 reviews on Amazon. This means that the vast majority of reviewers had positive feedback about it.
The author Emerson Eggerichs is a pastor and his book Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs is written with a Christian audience in mind.
Even though the reviews are overwhelmingly positive, many recent reviews — even from other Christians — seem to give the book a negative rating due to what they see as old-school attitudes. Here’s a quote from one of those reviews:
If you have to say you aren’t being chauvinistic, maybe you are being chauvinist. There were times where I felt the author was always taking the man’s side (which he is a man, so it makes sense he wouldn’t completely understand a woman’s thoughts). Certain comments or examples given rubbed me the wrong way.
Other Christians loved it and have found it was exactly what they needed to hear.
It’s best you find out for yourself. Get copies for you and your intended spouse. View it on Amazon.
4. The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God by Timothy Keller
Here’s a quote from one review on Amazon:
If you’re looking for a book that will describe the history, meaning, and purpose of marriage, this is it. It’s not a marriage counseling book nor a weekend retreat themed book. We have plenty of those kinds of books on our shelves, so this was a welcome departure from the 200-page “Husbands love your wives and wives obey your husbands” types.
The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God by Timothy Keller has 4.8 out of 5 stars on Amazon from 1,300 reviews.
Mr. Keller’s wife of more than 35 years, Kathy, also shares her insights.
Get copies for you and your intended spouse. View it on Amazon.
5. Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up by Harriet Lerner
This book is a more modern take on marriage and couples counselling, and its’ format is possibly a lighter read for some.
Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up by Harriet Lerner isn’t as stacked with reviews like the others on this list (possibly due to its younger age), but still has a respectable 4.3 out of 5 from 115 reviews on Amazon.
Here’s a quote from a reviewer:
No one ever says marriage is easy. We know all relationships take work. Most partnerships don’t have a guidebook like this one, with straight-forward advice. If you’re ready, use it and welcome it. No matter what the circumstance of the reader, Marriage Rules is a start to making changes from within you’ll need to improve your life with another person.
Rule #38? Turn off your stupid “Smart Phones”. Get copies for you and your intended spouse. View it on Amazon.
Bonus: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward
Ahh…the stereotypical interfering mother-in-law that drives you crazy!
Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward contains advice on how both parties in the marriage (husband and wife) should view interactions with their in-laws.
Here’s a quote from an interesting review:
Excellent and helpful book. I’m a grandmother so I bought it to avoid being the toxic in-law. Good advice on dealing with difficult family members without starting a World War. Also good way to analyze your own response and whether it is helping or hurtung.Has the added benefit of being short and to the point.
Definitely get copies for you and your intended spouse. View it on Amazon.
Conclusion
It takes work for marriages to last. Our book recommendations above are intended to assist engaged couples in thinking about precisely the words, thoughts and actions they should each take to ensure that their forthcoming marriage is made of everlasting love and respect for each other.
Tell us in the comments if you’ve already read any great books about marriage.
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